To get out of trouble.
To avoid punishmentTo get others in trouble.
To protect their friends.
To make themselves look better to others.
To avoid embarrassment.
To impress authority figures and gain power in the process.
To receive positive attention.
Of course, the THINGS children and adults lie about are different. For instance, kids lie about not having broken their parents’ rules or not having disregarded their parents’ wishes. Adults lie about not having broken laws and not having done things that society regards with disdain.
Researchers report that repeatedly, in surveys done, parents have rated honesty as the trait they most wanted in their children. They rated honesty above self confidence or good judgment. This being so, parents are greatly upset when they find that their child has lied to them.
The parent feels betrayed and disrespected and often focuses on that instead of looking for the reason the child lied. Parents should talk with their children, as early as possible, regarding the many reasons why it is important to be honest. And as the child gets older instead of giving the lecture, it is more effective if the parent asks their child to tell them why it is important to be honest. In the process of responding with this information, the “no lying” value is reinforced in the child’s mind.
Another ineffective response to a child lying that parents often use is to play the detective and produce all the evidence they have to prove that the child is lying. Even when caught in the act of a specific misbehavior some children will continue to deny that they did what the parent actually saw. That kind of a response from a child usually enrages the parent and the parent never gets to the discussion about the misbehavior.
For example, if a child lies about having done his/her homework and all of the time is spent discussing the lying, the parent doesn’t find out why the homework hasn’t been done. The child may need to have some tutoring or the consequence for not doing the homework may need to be changed.
If a child is lying to classmates about things he/she has achieved, important people the family knows or adventures he/she has experienced, the child may have a low self esteem problem. Again it would be more important to focus on working to improve the child’s self esteem, than to focus on the child’s lies per se.
In longitudinal studies of children’s lying, a majority of 6 year olds who frequently lie have it socialized out of them by age 7.
However, another study looking at teens’ lying noted that as children entered their teen years and were trying to gradually gain their independence by pushing against their parents’ rules, they lied about a number of insignificant things. The teens reported lying to their parents about : how they spent their allowance, if they started dating, what clothes they put on away from the house, what movie they went to and with whom they attended the movie .
Parents, who find their teens lying, again, need to look at the reasons their teen is lying. Once that is determined parents should address those issues either with more severe consequences or with a teen/parent discussion looking at expanding the day to day living style choices a teen is capable of making.
Each incidence of lying should be examined independent of others. Any lying event that involves danger to self or others would, of course, focus first on getting the truth and then looking at the reason for lying.
Generally, no matter what the age of the child, research showed that children lied less often when rewarded for truth telling. Fear of punishment didn’t appear to be as effective in reducing the lying behavior as rewarding truth telling was.
