So Just What is Normal Adolescent Behavior?

"I just want my sweet, kind, respectful kid back. I don't even know the person she has become."  Counselors hear countless parents complain about their pre-adolescent or adolescent child in that manner. The good news is that the child you knew before WILL return but the bad news is that it may not be for several years. The other good news is that I could give you some tips to help you, survive your child's teen years. Generally, if followed, things could get better in a reasonable amount of time. The first step in making your life with your adolescent less turbulent is defining what is normal adolescent behavior. Most parent's have been warned about the " terrible two's, so when your child goes through this stage you may easily recognize that the behaviors are normal and come to an end. So when teens don't want to be seen walking with their parents in the mall that is NORMAL. Parents' of course, are hurt by this  because they don't remember that this has less to do with being embarrassed by the parent but more about that the child worrying that a friend or classmate will view them as being a "baby" and not being allowed to shop on their own. When a parents' own self-confidence is not solid, their teen's changing interactions with them are a constant source of pain. Nature plays a dirty trick on many parents' because they are experiencing their own "mid life crisis" at the same time their children are going through adolescence. Often, parents' are asking ask themselves the same questions that their teens are asking themselves--Who am I? What do I believe in? What do I do with the rest of my life? Teens question their parents' values because they want their parents' to convince them to accept the parents' values. This whole process is NORMAL but many times can be very threatening to parents'. Many parents' worst fear is that their adolescent has turned into a selfish, self-centered and self absorbed person. This total self- focus is NORMAL. It is what the adolescent must do to achieve the final formation of their personality to help them become self - confident enough to leave the comfort of their parents' home. What most parents' don't realize is that the way they respond to their teens temporary unpleasant behavior often factors greatly in their future parent/child relationship. Sadly, many adults do not remember all the wonderful things their parents' did for them when they were one through six years of age. What adults often remember most vividly is either their parents' tolerance of them as they passed through the difficult teen years or the terrible battles or hurtful things their parents said to them. Some simple rules for you' to follow and try to remember as you walk with their teens through adolescence is:  


1.  Pick Your Battles. What many parent's often forget is that all of the changes that are taking place with their adolescence are an essential part of healthy human development. All the pulling away, oppositional, critical behaviors is what a child must do to better survive in the real world. Just as little birds are programmed to leave the nest, so are adolescent humans, programmed to begin to separate from their parents at a certain stage of their development. At the very same time, the teens begin to make fun of the music their parents' listen to, the TV shows they watch, the movies they enjoy, the clothes they wear and even the way their parents' talk. Of course, it's no surprise that some parents' may begin to wonder if it was such a good idea to have children. Yes, all of the aforementioned behaviors are NORMAL but for the most part temporary behaviors. One of the hardest struggles parents' also have is watching their adolescent experiment with radical hair, piercings and clothing styles as they put the finishing touches on the image they want to present to the world.  Parents don't have like the external changes. They just need to tolerate them, remember that what they are seeing is NOT the finished product. It is helpful if you can avoid power struggles and try to convince your adolescent to modify their new look.


2.  Replace Lectures With Consequences for Unwanted Behaviors (The teens already know all of your lectures, word for word.)

3.  Set Reasonable Limits.

4.  Expect Grumbling and Testing of Those Limits. 

5.  Be Flexible, Give Freedom Gradually to See What Your Child Can Handle.  

Stress Management Strategies

If you’re feeling stressed, you’re not alone.  Try a few of these simple techniques to make life’s challenges a bit more manageable.

1)    Learn to say “no” – know your limits and stick to them.

2)    Reframe your problems, look at the big picture.

3)    Improve your time management skills.

4)    Don’t try to control the uncontrollable.

5)    Exercise for 30 minutes at least three times per week.

6)    Reduce your caffeine and sugar intake.

7)    Get enough sleep.  Turn off your smart phone!

8)    Spend time with fun, supportive people.

9)    Light scented candles and take a long bath

10)   Begin and end your day with 15 minutes of meditation.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Teen Depression

http://psychcentral.com/news/2013/09/15/group-cbt-benefits-teens-at-risk-for-depression/59514.html

Who is Molly? Dangerous drug gaining popularity with new name

Who is Molly? Dangerous drug gaining popularity with new name

How Fido and Fluffy Can Change Your Life: Benefits of Pet Ownership

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.”                         Anatole France       

A pet is certainly a great friend that provides unconditional love during difficult times. Whether you've had a difficult day at work or home, pet owners immediately feel love from their pets and experience an improved mood. There are many benefits from pet ownership. Whether it’s a fluffy kitty or cute puppy, they help satisfy basic human needs to have contact, touch and allow us to interact with other beings. Whether you’re at the pet store or park, having a pet can provide you an opportunity to engage socially with others, reduce anxiety and build confidence.  By nature, people require attention and love; animals mutually share these feelings and share their affections back without any expectations. Unlike human interaction, where you may feel that the other person wants something, an animal wants nothing more than to see you happy and feel loved.  Based on statistics released in 2011 from the American Humane Association, “80% of dog and cat owners surveyed claimed that their pets could sense their moods…three in four believed their dogs tried to make them feel better when they were unhappy.” There are also physical benefits to having pets; it has been found that pets increase your ability and desire to exercise. This is not limited to taking a pet for a walk, but includes chasing a pet around the house, or all those funny faces and actions we perform to get our pets attention. Playing with an animal can actually help calm and relax you as it elevates your dopamine and serotonin levels dramatically; thus reducing the likelihood of depression. Pets have been shown to reduce blood pressure and stress which is in part of the reason many doctors’ offices keep aquariums in their waiting rooms. Animals can also bring stability into an individual’s life because pets require structure and depend on us. They require and depend on us to not only to feed them, but also take them outside throughout the day for a walk. These simple routines can help you take control of your life; it forces you to get out of bed and holds you accountable for your actions. This is also is extremely beneficial for the elderly as it can give them a sense of purpose. Granted pets are not for everyone or every lifestyle. However, adding a companion certainly has its advantages to your mental health. Simply having someone depend on you can help make your existence feel more important and build confidence in yourself. Though pets are not a replacement for medication or therapy they certainly can improve your well-being.

An Epidemic of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence are behaviors in an intimate relationship in which one partner uses physical, sexual, emotional, psychological or economic threats or actions to gain or maintain power and control over their significant other. It is a social problem which does not discriminate against age, sex, race, culture, education, religion, sexuality, marital status, social class, or employment status.

It is estimated that 1 in 4 women will experience some form of domestic violence in her lifetime; approximately 4 million women a year. Although the vast majority of recorded incidents of domestic violence are women, men also suffer from domestic violence. According to a national study conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and the U.S. Department of Justice released in December, 2011, an estimated 5.4 million men were victims of intimate partner violence. Approximately 2.3 million were victims of serious physical violence.

What are some signs of being abused or in an abusive relationship?

·  Physical abuse is any unwanted aggressive physical behavior such as hitting, biting, choking, kicking or restraining you.

·  Emotional abuse is name-calling, insults, threatens to hurt you or loved ones, humiliation or criticism.

·  Sexual abuse includes, but is not limited to, sexual assault, rape, pressured sexual situations, forced prostitution and being hurt during sex.

·  Psychological abuse is when someone threatens you or someone you care about, stalking, destroying personal property and use of fear.

·  Economic abuse is controlling the finances, refusing to share money, interfering with education or financial obligations.

Traumatic experiences such as domestic violence can lead to a variety of emotional and psychological symptoms. Many survivors suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, trust issues, substance abuse and anxiety.  If you or someone you have recently left an abusive relationship, counseling and/or support groups can help you heal, feel empowered and regain control. If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

Our Summer Newsletter!

http://www.journeytowellnessandbalance.com/Summer%20Newsletter%202013.pdf

Reduce Stress and Revise Your Schedule!

“Half my life is an act of revision.” – John Irving

The word revise is an interesting term, not in the sense that it has many definitions but the complexity of what is said in 6-letters. According to definition, to revise something is to somehow alter to update, improve or make a correction to an item.The month of May is known as Revise Your Work Schedule Month, which hopes to provide the greatest sense of optimal wellness and balance and maximize personal potential. This is extremely important to reducing stress and frustration not only at work but also in your home life.

Stress, which is a physiological response to a threat, has been linked to a variety of issues such as, obesity, heart disease, depression and anxiety. There are plenty of ways to reduce stress in your life, without making big changes.            

Organize Your Space. Look at your desk or counter-tops. Are the covered in papers, pens, notes or other clutter? If so, take a moment to organize what you have and throw away what is not important. Creating a organized environment at work and home can provide you with satisfaction but also help you gain some control.  

Choose Your Hours.   It may not be possible for you to choose your work schedule but it is possible for you to organize your time. Make a list of what has to be accomplished and prioritize the tasks based on importance. When your day is finished, you will have all of the critical tasks addressed.        
                                                                           
Keep Personal Issues Separate. Try not to bring your personal issues to work and your work issues home. It cannot be stressed enough how damaging this can be to your performance and emotional health/wellness. Your work hours should focus on work. As much as possible try to avoid checking your phone or email during your personal time. There is nothing more frustrating than sitting down to dinner with your significant other and they continue to check their phone.

Make Time For You. Whether at home or work, it is not a crime to want a few minutes for you. So the next time you’re thinking of checking your Blackberry before bed, don’t. Self-care can create energy, drive and motivation. Most importantly it is essential to your emotional and physical health.

At the end of the day, there are a hundred ways to revise your work life and home life schedule. You are the most important factor; your health makes or breaks how well you perform and how your body responds. The more stressed you are, the easier it is for you to get sick. When you’re sick, you’re unable to effectively function or accomplish what needs to be done. Remember to get proper sleep, eat healthy and incorporate self-care into your life. Taking care of yourself and setting limits at work does not suggest you are lazy. It means that you recognize how important you are.

Better Sleep, Not Just More Sleep: Better Sleep Awareness Month

“Sleep is the best meditation.” – Dalai Lama

The month of May is Better Sleep Awareness month, which focuses on educating people about the correlation between health, safety and sleep. Organizations such as the National Sleep Foundation and the Better Sleep Council work to research and inform people of the risks associated with lack of sleep. In order to understand sleep and the benefits, it is imperative to have a basic understanding of the five stages of sleep.

The levels are known as Rapid Eye Movement (REM) and Non-Rapid Eye Movement (NREM) and they are as follows:

Stage One: 
            This is when your body is beginning to fall asleep, your muscles are still awake, eyes are moving by opening and closing slightly and you can wake easily. This stage last between approximately 5 to 10 minutes and if awoken during this stage you may believe you were not actually asleep.

Stage Two:
            During this stage your body begins to slow down, your heart rate decreases and your body temperature begins to drop. This stage lasts approximately 20 minutes and your body is preparing for deep sleep.

Stage Three: 
            This stage is the transitional stage between light sleep, where you can be more easily awoken and deep sleep where you may feel confused or disoriented if awoken. This stage lasts approximately 20 minutes and is often combined with stage four.

Stage Four:  
            This stage is very much like stage three, with the primary difference being that you are officially entering deep sleep. This stage lasts approximately 30 minutes and it can be very difficult to wake someone; sleepwalking and bedwetting are most likely to occur during the end of this stage.

Stage Five: 
            The final sleeping phase is known as REM sleep which is when the brain becomes most active, eye movement becomes rapid and most voluntary muscles become paralyzed. It is also very common for the individual to dream and energy is being replenished to the brain and body. This phase lasts for approximately 10 minutes during the first cycle and becomes longer as the cycle repeats, with the final lasting up to an hour.

When people think of sleep, they tend to solely focus on the hours spent asleep rather than the quality of sleep. As you have read above each stage of sleep is imperative to properly resting one’s mind and body, as the stages of sleep do not continually repeat in order. In fact, once stage five is reached, the cycle repeats starting at stage two which continues throughout the night, usually four to five times.

As individuals get older they require less sleep, adults should get an average of 7 -9 hours versus babies who should have between 12 -18 hours. However as you have read, if you are not getting through each sleep stage, the time spent sleeping is not as effective and can cause impaired memory, weaken the immune system and even cause depression.

In order to help you get a good night’s rest, there are simple ways that you can create a restful sleep environment:

·     Create a Sleep Schedule: Remember as a child when your parents would make you go to sleep at a certain time? You may have disliked going to bed before your favorite show was over, but there was a benefit. Having a specific time helps your body subconsciously shut down so that you can fall asleep quickly and wake-up at the proper time.

·     Turn Off Electronics: Keep the light to a minimum, whether its checking your cell phone or watching television it can stimulate your mind and make it harder for you to fall asleep. If you need something in the background try turning on a fan or listening to music, this should relax your mind instead of activating it.

·     Make Your Bed Special: Make your bed a nighttime haven, by using it only for your night routine and sleeping. While it can be tempting to sit in bed and finish work or spend a lazy day, this can actually work against you. The mind can be a powerful tool and by having your bed associated with things, other than sleep, can cause your brain to work harder instead of relax and allow you to drift to sleep.

Those were some very simple ideas but far from all, make no mistake, a simple search online or a trip to the library can help you find the best tricks for you to get a peaceful and restful night’s sleep.  

Is Summer Vacation the Time for ADHD Medication?

Only seven weeks left!  Once again school will be out and summer break will be upon us.  This is the time of year when most students jump for joy!  Desks are emptied; backpacks are stashed in the closet.  Families begin to think about sun and fun, lazy afternoons, swimming lessons, BBQ’s, summer camp and family vacations.  When you’re the parent of an ADHD child, there is often another issue that begs attention. Parents frequently ask whether their child really needs to take his/her ADHD medications during the summer.  Parents often feel that because there is no need to manage an academic setting and everything that goes with it, there is no need for medication.  Not necessarily so.

In order to make an informed decision about your child’s summer medication needs, there are several factors to consider.  The best place to begin this process is to have a conversation with the doctor who prescribes medication and works with your child.  He or she will have the information necessary to help the family make an informed decision that is appropriate for their child. 

It is important for parents to consider just how much assistance their child derives from the prescribed medication.  What symptoms are being managed by medication?  How important is medication for the child’s ability to function in a healtlhy fashion.  For the child whose major ADHD symptom is inattentiveness it is possible that a “med vacation” could be well tolerated.  However, for the child who exhibits symptoms of hyperactivity and extreme impulsive behavior, year-round medication may be a better option.  This child frequently has difficulty appropriately managing social situations with peers.  Lack of medication can often result in poor social/peer relations thus having a negative impact on the child’s self-esteem. Again, in this situation, a medication break might not be the best option. 

Generally, summer is looser and less structured than the school year. The ADHD child, however, still needs structure and predictability in daily life in order to manage effectively.  Providing daily lists can help your child more efficiently manage the day. Keeping a calendar with daily and weekly activities clearly spelled out is helpful.   Provide daily activities like: planned events, enroll your child in swimming lessons/summer camps, play dates with friends, encourage reading for enjoyment (not classroom assigned reading) and family outings.  These types of activities can provide structure for your child thus avoiding boredom and the need for stimulation seeking behaviors.  Kids with ADHD have a more difficult time structuring their own lives.  They require some external support in the form of parental intervention. Planning lots of physical activities is a key to success.

When considering sending your child to sleep-away camp, it’s imperative to consider how well your child can stay on task, follow directions and relate to peers. In addition, it’s important to consider the skill level of the camp counselor who will be supervising your child.  Will these adults be familiar with ADHD and its impact on a child’s behavior?  These are questions that might help you decide whether your child can have a “medication vacation” while away at camp.  The last thing any parent (or child) wants to experience is a call from camp requesting an early pick-up.  Some ADHD children may be more able to manage a day-camp setting vs. a sleep-away camp. There is less stress and less for them to manage when they know they will be home at the end of the day.

It’s important to remember that there is no perfect solution to this dilemma.  But, there are options. You may choose to try a lower dose of the child’s prescribed medication during the summer months. You may choose to take short breaks from medication as seems appropriate. You can always medicate your child on days when you feel he may need a little extra help maintaining self-control.  Summer break should be a time for fun and relaxation for kids and their families.  If you begin with the premise that your child deserves to have a positive and successful summer experience, you will be on your way to making a healthy choice for your family.   

What One Should Not Do When Communicating

Do You Shout? Why That May Not be Especially Helpful in Communicating http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/04/01/do-you-shout-why-that-may-not-be-especially-helpful-in-communicating/

Quotes that will Inspire You!

Each person is given the gift of time on this earth... to live ...to learn...to love... and to leave a legacy.


Each flower comes into bloom in its own time... in its own way.
You don't need to wait for happiness to find you... plant some seeds and grow your own.
Follow your heart, listen to your inner voice, go where your spirit guides you.
Kathy Davis-

Reducing Depression and Anxiety

Mindfulness at School Reduces Teen Depression-Related Symptoms http://t.co/qxGOTKmOsW

Anger Management Group Starting April 3rd, 2013

Adolescent Anger Management Class

A 10-hour course for adolescents ages 13-17.

Classes will be scheduled weekly on Wednesdays 6-8 pm beginning April 3, 2013 and ending May 1, 2013

The purpose of the course is to help teens learn improved methods of handling their anger and managing anger-provoking situations.

Topics will include: myths about anger, anger triggers, anger reducers, relaxation techniques, positive self- talk, communication styles, anger behavior cycle and social skills.

The class is based on Aggression Replacement Training (ART).

Classes will be held at the offices of

The Journey to Wellness & Balance Counseling Services, Ltd.

870 E. Higgins Road, Suite 140H

Schaumburg, IL. 60173

For registration or more information please contact Laura Hinkes, LCSW at 773-671-3351 or laura@journeytowellnessandbalance.com

Total cost for the 10 hour course is $130 or $26 per class.

Certificates of attendance will be available for court mandated youth.

To learn more about our services visit www.journeytowellnessandbalance.com

Music therapy improves behavior in children with autism, study suggests

Music therapy improves behavior in children with autism, study suggests

Helicopter parenting can violate students' basic needs

Helicopter parenting can violate students' basic needs

Tips to Quit Smoking

According to the Center for Disease Control, an estimated 440,000 individuals prematurely die each year from smoking or from exposure to second hand smoke. It is estimated that another 8.6 million people live with chronic smoking related illnesses. Despite all of the effort to prevent smoking, each day approximately 1,100 children under the age of 18 begin to smoke. There are various reasons why people start smoking. For some it may be related to peer pressure to to gain social rewards. For others it may be a way to rebel against parental authority. Regardless of the reasons why one began to smoke, quitting improves the length and quality of your life. Some benefits to quitting are:

• Within two weeks to 3 months your risk of a heart attack decreases.Heart rate and blood pressure return to normal.

• Within a few hours, your blood’s ability to carry oxygen increases (Carbon monoxide reduces the blood’s ability to carry oxygen).

• Within a few weeks, people who quit smoking have improved circulation. Coughing and wheezing are also substantially reduced.

• Within several months of quitting, people can expect substantial improvements in lung function.

• In addition, people who quit smoking will have an improved sense of smell and food will taste better.

• Remove everything from your environment related to smoking: cigarettes, ashtrays, lighters, and matches.

• Develop a support system and tell your friends and family that you have quit smoking.  Have them encourage you and be a support and NOT give you a cigarette.

• Clinical intervention such as Behavioral therapy ( e.g. training in problem solving)

• Be aware of your triggers and develop coping strategies. Get involved in activities that don’t go with smoking (exercise, meditation). Imagine yourself enjoying favorite activities without smoking.

• Make use of numerous programs available such as 1-800- Quite – Now 

• Smokefree.gov (http://www.smokefree.gov), a Web site created by NCI’s Tobacco Control Research Branch, and use the Step-by-Step Quit Guide.

• Call the NCI Smoking Quitline at 1–877–44U–QUIT (1–877–448–7848) for individualized counseling, printed information, and referrals to other sources.

• Refer to the NCI fact sheet Where To Get Help When You Decide To Quit Smoking, which is available at http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/tobacco/help-quitting on the Internet.

Quitting smoking can be difficult but living a smoke free life is possible. There are several methods that can help you increase your likelihood of success.  To help with nicotine withdrawal  consider using the nicotine patch, gum or lozenges. Other successful methods in treating nicotine dependence are prescription medications such as:  bupropion (zyban), varenicline tartrate (Chantix) or a nicotine inhalation system such as (nicotrol).  Ask your doctor about the possibility of using these products. Some also claim that alternative medicine such as acupuncture can be of benefit. However, the jury is still out on this. Currently there is no consistent evidence that acupuncture (or acupressure) is effective for helping people quit smoking. However, it may be worth considering if other methods have been ineffective. Other tips to help you kick the habit are: