In the past several years there has been some discussion
among parenting experts and researchers regarding the value of parents praising
their children. Some researchers have even reported that inflated praise can
harm children with low self esteem. One article in New York Magazine carried the following,
alarming headline “The Self Esteem Movement Backfires—When Praise is
Dangerous.” Another headline in a Psychology Today article read, “Praising
Children With Low Self Esteem Can Backfire.”The headlines appeared to be more attention seeking than
informative. The actual research projects provided some interesting and
helpful information for parents about
the best ways to praise their children.
Some researchers
looked at the effect of praising a child’s intelligence vs. praising a
child’s effort. Other researchers looked at the effect that inflated or exaggerated praise has on a child with low self esteem Dr. Carol Dweck, along with a Columbia University team,
for ten years studied the effect of praise on students in 20 New York
schools. Researchers would take a single
child out of the classroom for a non-verbal IQ test..
When the researcher told the student his score, he would be
given a single line of praise.
Randomly divided into groups,
some were praised for their intelligence. They were told “you must be
smart at this.” Other students were praised for their effort. They were told, “you must have worked really
hard.”
In follow up research, students were given the choice of
taking a more difficult second test
or an easy test just like the first test. The students were also told that they would learn a lot if they took
the more difficult test. Of those
praised for their efforts,90 % chose the harder test. Of those praised for their intelligence, a majority chose the
easy test. Other subsequent
tests, so hard that all of the students failed, looked at the two groups of students’ response to failure. Those praised
for their effort on the first test, assumed that they hadn’t focused hard
enough on the difficult test. Those praised for their intelligence assumed
that their failure was evidence that they really weren't smart at all.”
At the end of her 10 years of studying the effects of praising students for their intelligence vs praising students for their effort, Dr. Dweck concluded”Emphazizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control. They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure” .
Dr. Dweck, based on
some of the findings from her
ten year study , went on to develop
a theory of two different mindsets that she believes shape our lives and our brains. LS Blackwell, a
member of Dr. Dweck’s team, took the
study one step further. Acting on the
findings of the previous tests , Blackwell took a group of students who had a
history of decreasing math grades. A total of 50 minutes were spent teaching the students a single idea: that the
brain is a muscle, giving it a harder workout makes you smarter. That alone improved the students’ math
scores.
In another university, research was done looking at the
effect that inflated or exaggerated praise has on children with low self
esteem. Eddie Brummelman and Brad
Bushman conducted research at Ohio State University in which they found that
adults seem to naturally give more inflated praise to children with low self
esteem.
For the research, inflated praise included one additional
adverb such as “ incredibly” or an
additional adjective “ perfect.”
An example of simple praise would be, “you’re good at this” while “ you’re incredibly good at this” was
considered inflated praise. The findings of this study showed that children with high
self esteem seemed to thrive with inflated praise,while those with low self esteem, who had been
given inflated praise actually avoided
attempting any new challenging work. Brummelman said their findings suggested that the inflated
praise may put too much pressure on those with low self esteem. “ They may
think that they always need to do incredibly well.” Bushman in an article for Psychology Today
when providing a conclusion regarding the Ohio research says it is important
when praising a child to focus on behavior or the process of the behavior vs praising the good qualities of the child.
The overall message for parents seems to be that
praise for children needs to be sincere, specific, contain no
exaggerations, and the focus of the praise should be on effort vs. the
achievement or intelligence of the child.
